Don’t Be An A** hole’s A**hole or Maybe?
August 21, 2021, marked ten months since my sister passed away. The twenty-first is ten months, I found out that she left a Trust set up in her name. And the twenty-first marks ten months where there has been one consistent asshole that has stood in my way of gaining closure from this horrible experience in my life. Unable to work through the grief process altogether, I still continue stuck in that day when my sister passed.
How is this asshole doing what he is doing? He is the one factor connected to my sister’s passing that should’ve been easy if you can call it that. Jill made him the Trustee of her estate. And why not? He had been her money manager and a family friend for 30+ years. When my sister passed, and he informed me that I was the only benefactor and that he was the Trustee, I thought that I was in good hands. As time moved on, that did that ever prove not the case.
I could spend literally days listing how this asshole has been screwing me from day one. From trying to get me to sell Jill’s house to wanting to sell heirlooms back to my family, he is an asshole. To forcing an estate sale I didn’t want, to locking me out of the house after accusing me of taking $18,0000 worth of items from my dead sister, he is an asshole. He always told me up to that point, “At the end of the day, it’s all yours anyway.” That was until he found out the worth of those items.
Before the lockout, I had seen red flags. I ignored them against my better judgment. But believing that asshole was this wonderful friend, that conflict was tearing me apart.
Thankfully, that dilemma was solved by my daughter when she revealed to me audio from the security system revealing that he considered the house and the items inside, his possessions.
Learning that he considered the house and everything inside his property explained every red flag I had seen but failed to believe. Now, I really began to take his advice on everything being mine and began to take those things like heirlooms back to my own house. Unfortunately, when the asshole saw this happening, the locks were changed, and since that moment, I have been unable to get in the place. And as I sit waiting for the Trust to be settled, I can only imagine what items have been taken and sold.
Now, with my second lawyer, I have learned that many items are gone. First, there are the items that I have stolen, all $18,000 of them, which is bullshit! My wife and I totaled the items that I had “stolen” from my sister. Their grand total is $5000 and some change. I gave the list to my lawyer. I have yet to receive his list of the loot I have walked away with. But it gets better.
It seems unbeknownst to me that I broke into The house on May 24 through the attic and stole even more items, and he was forced to call the police. In the police report that I had to get from them, he told the officer he was confident that I was the burglar and that I was to be charged with Grand Theft! There is more, much more. And I’m sure this writing -therapy you read now will highlight those events.
This guy is an asshole, plain and simple. Let’s evaluate my current position on this.
What is an asshole?
ass·hole
/ˈasˌhōl/
nounVULGAR SLANG•NORTH AMERICAN
1. a person’s anus.
2. a stupid, irritating, or contemptible person.
Although #1 in the above definition could be ascribed to being him, it’s #2 I am using to make my point; in particular “contemptible.” I would like to add that since my lockout of my sister’s former house is now mine, I am determined to never see or speak to this asshole again. And after learning that I have been accused of Grand Theft, fuck him. I’ll never do either in this lifetime. So all these months, two lawyers later, thousands of dollars, I still sit here waiting for it all to end and get closure and relief from the grief I have felt these past ten months. But last week, I got some news that changed my perspective.
Asshole’s lawyer revealed to my lawyer that asshole’s ex-wife had suffered some debilitating illness and was put in a nursing home and that he was experiencing some kind of sickness. Human nature would say I should be happy that he is suffering through that, and the universal hand of karma has been dealt with at life’s table. And at first, I did feel that way. But it then occurred to me, having joy at the expense of another, well, that makes ME an asshole. How could I consider him an asshole by feeling happy about his ex-wife’s health and even his own? To take that attitude would make a contemptible person. I felt empathy for his situation. It changed my perspective.
And from that above paragraph, I had planned on defending the asshole as a person. But then I remembered something from therapy that is more important. I am important too. How I feel is important too. Feeling sorry for his situation is the right thing to do, sticking with the principles I believe I should have in this world. But doing something because it’s right by your morality doesn’t take one thing into account. You have to be true in what you feel as a person. When we deny who we are, we will never find peace to live a healthy life. And my life is far more critical than what I feel is right and wrong. Of course, this opinion does not take a life or commit any actions physically hurting another. Let’s face it, murderers feel like they’re doing something right, and that shit doesn’t fly. My still maintaining asshole IS an asshole, is how I think. It seems that when dealing with how you think things should be and how you feel should be, it is following rules of ethics. Knowing in your heart that this IS the way you are is being true to yourself and finding peace within yourself.
In that sense, I am NOT an asshole to his asshole.
con·tempt·i·ble
/kənˈtem(p)təb(ə)l/
adjective
- deserving contempt; despicable.
And since in my heart I do not fit the above condition, I can live with that.
